Confession: I Did Not Date That Guy I Took A Picture With

I know. You must all be terribly confused right now. I get it. There exists a damn picture, for crying out loud! However, I can assure you that even though I posed for a photograph with that one guy all those years ago, I did not date him. We did not date. Phew. What a relief to get that off my chest. Honestly, if it weren’t for Natalie Portman’s recent bravery in denying that old guy’s dating claims, I might never have found the courage to speak my truth. Thank you, Natalie. I too did not date a guy I took a photo with that one time.

I’m sure I’ll soon be hearing from said guy. I’m fairly certain he’ll say that it was so much more than just a photograph. I guess he’s technically entitled to? If all it took was a picture to convince him that we were actually dating, the guy definitely has an incredible imagination. Either that, or he really needs to lay off the sauce. Because, and I can’t stress this enough, we did not date. He can believe whatever he wants to believe, but using a completely normal photo of us as proof that we dated is, well, more than a little alarming. I wouldn’t be surprised if he has a doll with that photograph stuck on its face in his bedroom right now.

It truly baffles me that I even have to come out and make this cringing statement. Should I start adding a “Didn’t Date” disclaimer on every photograph I’ve ever taken with a man? I mean, if dating means going to a concert with a guy, then I’ve dated everyone and my dad. If dating means hanging out and being friendly with a man, I’ve dated my freaking boss.

Which I most definitely have not.

Thank the Lord of Cameras there isn’t a photograph to dispute the fact.

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